


Girls Night

by AGRey701000



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Mild Sexual Content, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 19:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10928838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGRey701000/pseuds/AGRey701000
Summary: Light laughter travelled around the circle of girls and April pouted.The pale witch and kunoichi looked around at their friends and smirked. Karai smiled slyly, “Ok, first we start with shots.”April groaned... ‘This was going to be a loooong night.’It's girls night. Where will the evening take them? Who knows, but you know that saying---"The night is young".





	Girls Night

**Author's Note:**

> DO NOT REPOST. DO NOT EDIT.
> 
> Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE TMNT FRANCHISE OR ANY AFFILIATES.
> 
> Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE DIALOGUE DURING THE DRUNK EPISODES. ALL CREDIT AT JENNA MARBLES.
> 
> Copyright © 2017 Antonia G. Reyes All Rights Reserved.
> 
>  
> 
> Inspiration: Copyright © Jenna Marbles
> 
>  
> 
> Renet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xk_qnaYcAn0  
> April: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1lclcpx914  
> Shinigami: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN3ZuOV2qxA  
> Karai: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXzwAXzUwwE  
> Mona Lisa: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RycMNSM8Mns
> 
>  
> 
> #####################

The girls are spread about Karai’s room. Shinigami and April sprawled out on the ground under pillows and blankets; Renet laying on the kunoichi’s bed facing the opposite of Karai and Mona Lisa lounging on a day chair next to the window.

Here they lay about and simply talk about anything and everything---everything, that is except for their boyfriends. Though they’ve spent and fought alongside each other long enough to ditch formalities, they’ve yet to open up and share their most intimate of thoughts on the subject of their men.

Mona Lisa sighed contentedly, “I’ve never seen stars burn brighter than here on earth.”

At this, the other occupants in the room tittered and scoffed. April was the next to speak. “How is that even possible? I mean you come from space Mona---how can the stars be brighter here than up there?” The redhead gestured to the ceiling to emphasis her point.

Mona smiled softly, her gaze never leaving the window, “Because....my Raphael is here.” The Salamandrian turned her head slightly, eyes glowing warmly, “Wherever he is, everything is brighter.”

Well. Leave it to an alien to sound with more sincere and passionate than a damn Shakespearean sonnet.

It seemed that that small unabashed confession was all it took for the other girls to start sharing their own gems of love.

“It’s the simplest thing, but when Leo’s near me and I can feel his heat, smell his skin---I don’t know if it’s because I’m half snake now or what—but it just drives me wild and I have to have him on me....it’s....” Karai murmurs as she trails off.

“It’s intoxicating...isn’t it?” Mona finished, her mango colored eyes hazy. The kunoichi smiles, nodding her head in agreement.

“Heh...yeah, it is. It’s intense.” Karai grins then, cheeks lightly tinged in pink.

April sighs dreamily, “I get that---Donnie does this thing with his tongue that feels so...good, I swear....” That got the girls giggling.

Shinigami and Renet smirked. “There’s this maneuver that Mikey does that leaves me numb for days after we do it....” Shinigami looks at Renet for some kind of permission to share, Renet grins.

The latter of the girls are looking at the two expectantly; Renet picks up where Shinigami left off.

“He calls it the ‘ _blossom kiss_ ’. And the way it works is that----”

#########

Another Two Hours Later....

“So what are we doing now?” April asked curiously. Shinigami smirked wickedly, “Oh _silly little bird_ \---it’s simple, were going to get drunk and then do randomly selected challenges I wrote down and tossed in my hat.”

Everyone was eerily quiet, then it’s as if everyone unfroze and seemed willing to participate when April yelped, “W-What!? NO. _Nah-uh_ \---we are not doing that---my dad will kill me, NO. no, no, no---”

Karai scoffed, “Come on O’Neil----don’t be such a goody goody.”

April scowled; the timestress looked between her friends and then spoke, “Uh, April look at it this way, were not going out to get drunk, it’ll all be in a designated and safe environment...so, so no harm... _right?_ ” she shrugged helplessly, hoping that her interloping would smooth the tension between the three girls.

The redhead’s face relaxed slightly, but her rigid posture held firm, she looked between the girls, her blue eyes shifted to the Salamandrian lieutenant.

“Mona what’s your stance...you will be the deal breaker here.” Every eye was on the lizard, waiting silently.

The alien glanced around the girls, “I was on board as soon as Shinigami mentioned ‘challenge’”. Mona shrugged sympathetically---really, she just couldn’t say ‘no’ to a challenge.

April gawked at her lizard friend; she was relying on Mona Lisa being the voice of reason! But...she sighed, it _would be_ just like the lieutenant to not only be level-headed and responsible but also totally fearless...that’s one of the reasons Raphael loved her.

The redhead huffed...she rolled her eyes and then she spoke, “Oh _fine_!”

Light laughter travelled around the circle of girls and April pouted .The pale witch and kunoichi looked around at their friends and smirked. Karai smiled slyly, “Ok, first we start with shots.”

April groaned... ‘ _This was going to be a loooong night_.’

##################

Two Months later at the Lair.....

As the genius turtle was settling into his computer chair and waiting for his computer to wake, he grabbed the SD card Karai had given him when he’d realized he’d run out of his own for his scientific note taking. She’d been kind enough to bring him a small box of SD cards she’d had that were unused at her headquarters and so here he was using one of the said cards. As soon as the computer recognized the card, it automatically opened a video window and as it briefly settled, all of a sudden, the purple-banded turtle’s eyes shoot up at the screen at the sound of Renet’s voice.

Enter **Renet** \---

“Heehheee...shi—NO! SHINI--- _No_ , WHAT? OH, OKAY---yeah okay he-hey everyone uh---*Snickering* Today I’m going to attempt a, um, a hair tut—tutu....hehhehh---tutorial, a _tutorial_ for my hair and it’s gonna be the most ambit-chiest---*Off screen laughter*---”

Renet is batting wildly at the others behind the screen, to shush.

“.... _Stop_ , stop you guys, no!....anyways, I’m going to just do a hard hair thing, _thing_...uh..ok! Get ready----”

PAUSE.

Donatello never moved faster in his life than he did right then. He slams his lab doors open and hollers, “GUYS YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT IM LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW!”

That had the latter three rushing to the lab in a flash. As they, all gathered around the mechanic at the computer, Donnie pointed towards his lab doors, “One of you lock the doors---this is too good to be interrupted. Trust me.”

Michelangelo locked the doors and turned back and bounced towards his brothers, excited for whatever it was that the genius was about to reveal.

Leonardo and Raphael were more than a little skeptical; they inwardly rolled their eyes as they shared an apathetic look.

Donnie smirked, “Ok. Here we go.” as soon as he pressed the play button, the brothers perked up at the sound of the timetress’s voice.

A groan stirs from the speakers.

“----- _Whose idea was this?_ Was this _my idea?_ What no---no time-out *Snickering* _OHHH_ —YOU LIKE THAT! YEAH PUN-A-RIFIC, Punsy McGee _right here!_ *Points at herself comically*”

A beep and then clattering sounds in the background. Renet stumbles a bit and tries to refocus herself.

“----Jesus it’s not that funny, _damn_ —ok, focus, _focus_ Renet. OK first you part your hair, like Moses parting the red sea like in the story, and ...*Full on hysteria in the background* --- _shut up_!  ...and the Jews cross the middle of the hair but instead of Jews it’s your curling iron....”

The timestress is now curling her hair and making squinty, sleepy eyes at the camera, “---am I being offensive right now? I’m just making a historical reference.”

At this point, the iron is burning Renet’s gloved hand, “Ah!-- It’s supposed to be hot but it’s _too hot, oh my god_! I mean I don’t have to go to the hospital for _degree_ burns but it’s still hot as fuck... _fuck_!”

At this point in the video Renet has a half decent curl going, “You know what I just realized, curling your hair is the ultimate metaphor for individuality----it burns and it hurts and it doesn’t feel right and you don’t think that you’re doing it right--- _BUT YOU ARE—THAT MEANS YOU ARE..._ ”

“How do you life? ---Dear Aristotle, you ain’t got shit on ME!---”

At this point the hair is done and next the teasing of the hair, “---Now, curls are did and we haveta tease and make, make it big, like HUGE big---big like _Rihanna_ \---big like _giraffe pussy_ \----high like the _POPE_. It’s gonna hurt my scalp, it’s gonna damage my hair and it’s going to damage my _soul_ \---but that’s the price you pay to be a girl.”

“ _It damages your soul_....mmmm.... _that’s some deep shit_...uh-huh...philosophical as fuck right now...”

A beep.

“Ne-next you’re gonna pull back part of your hair—li-like, some underground---I’m gonna meet you in the back with a hotdog—WHOO!---We’re gonna blow it up like a motherfuckin’ balloon---how do you blow it up---you blow in to it but instead of using your breath and your mouth you’re gonna use a teasing comb. And you’re gonna go *Makes blowing sounds while teasing hair*---like that, grab a section of your hair and be like ‘ _fuck you bitch—fuck you...! You are magically delicious motherfuckin’ Disney princess bitch!_ ’

“*Holding hairspray* You gotta be formal as fuck---don’t worry about damage, you can put conditioner in there _TOMORROW_ —but not today, today is big hair day!---*Hair clipped in disarray*. The middle part of your hair is like a middle child---you’re like, ‘I really want to care about you, but my arms are getting tired, I’m just a little worn out from the bottom section of my hair...’”.

“....my mom’s a middle child and she came out the awesome-est. *Teasing her hair relentlessly* I feel like I’m jerking off my hair---We’re literally bullying our hair to go up—cause it’s not gonna go _UP_ without a fight cause let me just explain some science to you---gravity is pulling your hair _DOWN!---_ ”

At this point, the hair is bobby pinned in a haphazard way.

“And there you have it---a fancy ass—a—ass hairdo for your wedding that screams BONE ME—and the guys will be all like *Does a karate move* ‘ _Hey girl! I wanna get in that! How do I get in that?_ ’ *Gestures to her crazy hair* This just oozes sex----sex and _daaannnccciiinnnn’_ \--! *Shakes her head wildly*”.

The video then cuts to **April** \----

Some rustling can be heard and also a little bit of distant gagging, April’s glazed over eyes and flushed face turns to the sound, “NOT IN THE SINK RENET---I’m not cleaning that shit----hehhehhee *A pause and now full on retching can be heard* *April’s face morphs into one of utter, amused surprise *

“ _Ohhh shiiittt_ \---crap nuggets---hohohooo *Looks back at the camera and puts a hand to cup her mouth, like she’s telling a secret* _She can’t hang_....”

It then beeps and April is back, grinning like a dumbass, with a wine glass next to her.

“Hey so, today I’mma try my hand at doing balloon animals for you, uh *Snickering* _Shut the hell up_ \--- _heheheh_ —NO! Damnit ok, okay anyways yeah so let’s get this party started.”

April grabs a pump and a balloon.

“Alright so first you’re gonna grab your penis pump--- _shit_ this thing ain’t got diddly on Donnie----*She pauses and gawks at the girls behind the camera, throwing her hands up, laughing* _WHAT!?_ IT’S A BEAUTIFUL PENIS, _LIKE A FLOWER!_ IT’S LIKE—IT’S LIKE _KISSING_ A _BIG EGGPLANT_ \-----”

Another beep and then April is back, “Get your life together April! God April— _GOD!!_ \----*Head in her hand* I got too drunk.”

“---Whatever! So you pump air into the balloon, but not too much---were making a poodle---like--*Balloon deflates too much* --- _oh no_....okay, uh yeah so you start to twist it and make these dingle balls and it _never stops being utterly terrifying to work with balloons_. Then you have to hold on to them and not let them unwind _drunkie_ \--- _GOD do I haveta do everything for you!?_ ”

She bends the balloon in half.

“Make _that_ , make a weird vag--- _don’t act like you’re not learning_ \---then you twist it..! Don’t be afraid of the balloon--- I mean, _I’m_ afraid of balloons---just manhandle the fuck out of it. Then you’re gonna push the poodle’s head back behind his hairdo---OMIGOD, OMIGOD, OMIGOD---please don’t pop....!”

At this point, the poodle is near complete.

“And then you twist everything like _800 fucking times_ cause that’s what balloon art is, it’s the act of repeating the same step over and over again. And if the kids want you to hurry up and make them a balloon animal just be like—‘ _Shushhhh, your parents aren’t paying me enough to be here’_. I mean, it’s pretty fucking bad---but the kid is like three years old, you give him this and he’s gonna be like ‘ _Oh my fucking god, this shit is amazing—you’re a fucking magician!_ ’”.

“And you’re gonna be like, ‘ _Yeah you bet, now tell your parents to pay me more—god!_ ’ and it’s not gonna happen and you’re gonna be questioning life choices but hey at least it got your business started.”

Another beep.

“----you’re gonna be like all, ‘ _Hey kids don’t turn out like me—don’t drink alcohol_ ’, and they’re gonna be like, ‘ _oh okay, can I have a sword?_ ’ and you’re gonna be all like *While haphazardly pumping air into another balloon* ‘ _Shut up Mona—I’m busy!_ ’ And when you pumped it you let-you let—let a little-little-little, ah little, little bit of air---*Air wheezes out* did it—done---HAIL SATAN!”

“Take the two ends of your, uh pink dick and use this super, _highly advanced technique_ called *Twisting the balloon furiously* ‘ _fuck you-fuck you-fuck you-fuck you...._ ’ ---You’re gonna put it on your table at your wedding and say Merry Christmas—whose present? _Your imagination_.”

Next April makes another sword....

“Ah look at that sword dog---shit, yeah bendy ass dick---*Balloon pops* OH MY GOD!----”

Next April tries for a cat.

“Were gonna make a cat! Ok so you twist this balloon and if you can handle a dick, then you can handle balloon twisting. There....that could be right but nobody knows because I don’t actually  give a fuck. And it looks good except for the fact that it looks like _shit..!_ ”

April bites a piece of the twisted up balloon off.

Then the video cuts to **Shinigami** \---

“ _Are we live?_ Are--we—are we live....?*Looking drunkenly beyond the camera lens for affirmation* _Yeah?_ Yay---okay---*Slides two fingers across the rim of her fake top hat* This is my festive hat! *Bats her hand around without purpose* _I am now a magician_ , you’re welcome, I’m welcome---everyone’s welcome....”

A beep.

“Abracadabra---*snaps* Time to take off my bracelet— _it’s getting in my way_...*sets an empty pot on a makeshift table* Oh my God what is this empty flower pot?— Can—c-c-Can I get some flowers on my dick...? *Laughing and chocking in the background* _What?!_ Don’t be embarrassed—anatomy 101 kids---everyone has dicks--- _OHHHH, breaking the third wall_ \----magicians know everything! VAGINAS!---”

Another beep.

“ *Places a cylinder in the flower pot* Wh—Win-LA-gavium-leviosa....*Pulls the cylinder but nothing comes out*....ah.....*Laughter ensues*...I..I feel like I just gave away the trick----*Laughing and fumbling with the magic prop* *The back of Karai’s head and hand are seen pulling the vodka bottle from Shinigami*----”

Karai speaking “---.....I’m just gonna move this a little bit this way....”

“...*Wheezes*... _Karai_.... _!_ ”

Beep.    

 “Win-gavium-leviosa---*Makes a weird tongue noise*--- _AHHH SHIT, EVEN I’M SURPRISED!!_ \---*Throws the empty cylinder across the room* It’s magic motherfucker... _here_ , this is for you---will you marry me? *Proceeds to throw the prop behind her*”.

“I’m not Shinigami anymore, I’m David Blaine *Deepens her voice* _And I’m gonna be serious as fuck---like extreme magic—serious, like as fuck....Do you have a handkerchief? Ohhh...okay I’m glad you do, cause I’m going to turn it into a different handkerchief---so you have a red and blue hanker...._ *Starts to slide the cloth through her hand, changing it to yellow and green*...woah—what the fu— _WOAH!_ How’d you even do that— _Oh my god, I’m David Blaine fuck me._ ”

Beep.

“I feel like I’m revealing a lot of magic secrets which I have _NO REMORSE ABOUT_ \---it’s a physical trick...! *Throws the cloth over her head*...Harry Potter accept me into you squad. *Lays head on table*”.

“Here’s a rope that’s _totally_ normal---Karai inspect the rope to prove it’s normal....”

Karai--- “It’s normal.”

“This rope is _totally_ _not_ magic----*Rope straightens out in mid-air*--ah— _OHHH_ —are you shocked?! *Mindlessly is tying and flipping rope around* This is your brain on drugs—this is your brain _not_ on drugs. *Wheezy laughter in the background* _GUYS_ it’s a magic fucking rope--- _just buy into my magic...!_ *Tosses rope* Magic castle hire me!”

“OK—now that we’re _REALLY_ warmed up, here’s some _real_ magic. *Holds up a box* Oh what’s this, what’s in this---nothing, like _literally_ nothing is in this—hahhhahhehehe...---Good story Shini, oh- _oh thanks_ \---jus—just you wait and then I open the top thing—and _OHHH_ , _yes bitches!!_ *Pulls out a handkerchief* I mean you should be impressed--- _Are you not entertained--?_ *Slides the box off the table*”.

“*Has vodka bottle again and is holding a wand, clinking it against the glass* Watch closely, cause what we’re gonna see will blow your mind---*Starts sliding her hands back and forth on the wand—the wand changes color* Nah, nah, nah, nah...WHHHHAAATTT??? Doo, doo *Clinks the glass and points*...I Love Lucy, yes?”

“*Gets chains* Ok, for my next trick, I’m going to need my assistant---*Enter Karai*---Tie it as tight as you can---How will I ever get outta this...? Oh my God am I under arrest? *Karai looks at the camera, lifts the lock key and puts it in her mouth. She gets up and crawls off camera* Did you swallow it? *Pulls her hands out of the locked chains*---MMmm—I’m an actual Houdini, holy shit---this is how people get outta jail—it was basically a tutorial---I just taught you how to get outta jail right now. Y-yyy—you basically just wiggle your arms out.....*Fiddles with her fingers* I’m—I’m just prepping for my next trick—shut the fuck up----*Grabs a fake battery powered light bulb*---oh my god, it—ha—I wish I could screw this light bulb into an outlet---but I’m too tired. What should I do—what---s-should I ju-jus-just p-put it on my ha---*Gasp*--- _HOLY SHIT, IT’S THE ACTUAL DEVIL_ —*Puts light bulb on top of her head* Fucking, I have an _actual_ idea right now, my idea is that David Blaine needsss to suck a big fat fucking dick----that’s too far Shini----”.

The screen then cuts to **Karai** \----

“*Taking a shot and scrunching her face up* UGGHHH! *Claps hands together* YES! DING!---*Inspecting her chest in the mirror* Wh-eh-when you have this discoloration going on, on your chest it means that you’re drunk cause your skin is like— _RAWH!_ \-----*Looks into shot class* When you see something floating in your glass, you know your drunk.”

“Okay---today I’m going to be teaching how to put makeup on your face when hammered---uh, lets---ah---here’s a helpful life tip—stand next to things that are yellower then you cause it makes you look less yellow---*Mock cries*---racist as _fuck_ \----*Involuntary shake*...eh...I got a little shiver.”

“You’re gonna want to go to sleep— _fight that urge_. I wouldn’t recommend washing your face cause you might _drown_ \---Make sure that your face is ready for your makeup by slapping it---*Slaps her face* _Are you ready? Are you ready?_ Ok you’re ready. Make it look like your skin is not so angry with you for your bad life choices---*Lightly pulls at her eyes* _Noooo_ \----ju—bake your face in a—mmm—big fucking foundation soda. *Has brush and powder ready* Make your face look like a different face by piling on the thickest foundation you have and with a brush that doesn’t judge you...”

Beep.

“If you can’t move your brush good, just move your face *Moves her face around the brush*---You don’t have time for concealer but you do for powder for when you start crying later because some boy doesn’t like you----So in my opinion, when you’re going out drunk, for your eyes---use some dark, ass fucking colors! It’s the most unforgiving, _right_? And if you fuck it up, people are gonna be all like—‘ _Oh she’s drunk, she like fucked up her makeup_ ’---And you’re gonna be like—‘ _Haha! Joke’s on you---I did it that way!_ ’”

“I mean you might as well go big or go home cause fuckin’ Jesus knows when you’re thisss drunk—you’re gonna pick out a bold outfit to go with your bold face---- _How you doin’?_ \---you only do your makeup this way cause you’re sad on the inside. So what you do first is you make sure that your eyes are there---what I like to do is take— _I don’t have a mirror_ \---take a black liquid eyeliner and take one baby step *Clumsily makes a line on her eyelids*---And there you go, you’re committed, no turning back—you got the black. *Starts putting eyeshadow on* And then you’re gonna want to put some shit on your shit---sometimes you might realize you’re using blush for eyeshadow, that’s _okay_ \---it _happens_ \---it’s a mistake—reality is a mistake, but we’re livin’ it---what’s this, the darkest color you got? _Get it on there!_ You can’t live life fuckin’ half-ass—you gotta close your eye and get that shit on there.”

Beep.

“—And if this isn’t a good brush whose fault is that? _Mine?_ No, it’s _yours_ \---you had one job and you suck at it— _BRUSH_. You know the perfect way to clean up your day eyeshadow makeup is—is think of your parent, like right? Like---*Rubs her eyes dramatically* _Ohhh...what I do? You’re such a fuck up_ —there—like that, perfect! See it’s looking better already. *Holding an eyeliner brush*”.

“Next—uh, I wouldn’t _normally_ recommend using one of these when you’re drunk but—hey take some risks kid— _ooohhh-kay_ now you go across and— _ah, oh that got in my eye!_ \--- _Yeahhh lets go, yeah I like your bathing suit—hey buddy_...yeah put those lashes on girl---*Trying to glue lashes*---yeahhh, yeahhh like that, take your time— _I have no concept of time_ —ah there, perfect!”

“This is the time that you can take a mini break, when you’re doing your waterline---- _ohhh, yeahhh, think of baby giraffes_ —OW!---ok now get your blush and bronzer going----*puts on bronzer* I mean, whose gonna judge you for having too much bronzer..? NOBODY....*Puts on blush* And be generous with it---I mean, everyone just loves someone whose _sooo..._ red in the face--- _What, are you embarrassed?_ _NO—I’m just excited to be here!_ I’m normal I swear---do you want my phone number?”

The screen then cuts to **Mona Lisa** \---

Mona Lisa is looking coy and awkward.

April in the background--“...Mona why are there rhinestones on the table...?”  Mona doesn’t say a word.

“... _Idontknow_.....*Snickering in the background*....*Clears throat* Uh...yeah soooo, I’m going to glue rhinestones to my face....*Uncontrollable laughter ensues*”

Beep.

“*Showing a picture of a rhinestone faced girl on April’s phone to the camera* THIS. LOOK AT THIS...WH—WHAT THE---FUU ---*Puts head in hand, wheezing with laughter*.... _f’yashta...._ *Lifts her head and puts the phone down. Nods* I am just _overcome_ with the feeling of, I want this to be my life, I want this to be my face _NOW_. I’m going for it! I’m gonna put these shiny motherfuckers on—on my face---*Claps her hands* LET’S GET BEAUTIFUL!”

Beep.

“I realize that I’ve got only chunky rhinestones to work with---they’re gonna distort the shape of my face but I’mmmm...a—I’m an alien lizard, fuckin’ Salamandererrrian....inin...? *Looks beyond the camera* Is—is that right? Am I right---- _How do I know me?_ ”

Another beep.

“Uh----I hope my friends got me the same stones that the girl used in the picture, cause I wanna look just like her—I want to live her life---I WANT TO BE ON HER---No funny business *Winks* *Purrs* _Uh-Huh...OOOHHH_ \----*Tosses out the rhinestones* Big blink— _how you doin’?!_ ”

Beep.

“*Putting glue on top her nose*...Like, like what if Raphael really like—what if he sees it and is like ‘ _Ohhh girl--Damn_ ’---*Puts one stone on* *Makes a surprise face*”

April---“*Laughter*--OH MY GOOODDD”

“*Puts two more, slightly off kilter* _AH_ —let, let me---*Snickers* This—this is harder than I--*Stone won’t budge* _OH FUCK_......*Laughing* *Looks beyond camera* DON’T JUDGE ME---everyone has a dream _okay_ and this one’s MINE---”

Karai---“I can see my own disappointment in the reflection of the rhinestones.”

“ *Mona comically gawks at her* _GIRL_ \---you’re telling me if you saw me out like this you wouldn’t be like—like ‘ _Wow I wanna know her! I wanna know what she’s about! I wanna know if she’s okay.’_ *Snickering ensues* --I don’t understand why you all are laughing---”

Renet—“It’s cause you’re doing it so well.”

“ _Thank you_. I didn’t come here to _fuck around_. *Background laughter* I think I might get glue poisoning cause I haveta cover my whole face---I mean that’s the deal---that’s the price you pay to look GIGI GORGEOUS _\----YESSS BABBYY_! She used to have a penis--- _AH_ \---‘ _Whhaatt really, yeah it’s a fact, look it up basics!_ ’ I mean don’t let the people on the internet fool you—this shit’s fucking easy---- *Does a high pitched robot sound* _NORELCO—VEETRAMA WITH MY NAME ON IT_ \--- *At this point she’s got almost the whole middle part of her face covered in rhinestones*---Chunk in the front and---”

Shinigami---“Chunk in the front and chunk in the butt!”

“I look like that old man who brings earth presents---I look like CYRSTAL _METH_ SANTA--- _Are you calling me a drug addict?_ Cause my drug of choice is RHINESTONES—SMASH ME ON RESTRICTED MODE. This is gonna be a nightmare to get off---dun, nunha, nunha, nunha, nunha...*Glues stones on her eye ridges the best she can*....This is dope. Not even gonna lie, this is dope as shit----relationships are about compromising—RAPH THIS IS MY DREAM---this is getting really itchy *Laughing*---and I want to r-rip it off my skin---- _AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!_ *Pats her cheeks* NOOOO---AH—OH, SHI---NO guys, *Gasps* _OHHH NO_ , don’t do that--- _don’t scratch your faces!!_ ”

Beep.

“I look like a fucking pterodactyl ---if you _ask me_ , these are looking a little less like rhinestones and a little more like _FINE-STONES_..... _OHHHHHHHHH!!!!_ I hope that Raph and I have kids someday so I can show them this and they’ll be like--- _man my mom_.....”

Beep.

“Are you ashamed of me? *Background laughter* *She places a particularly larger stone under her eye* _UHHH OHHH_...that’s—that’s a bi---*Silent heavy laughter* *Girls are hysterical* *Mona’s eyes are watering but she can’t emote* _S-STOP---S-S-STOP IT....!_ \---I’m gonna cry, I’m gonna cry.....I think this is another example of my ‘Too Much’ gene. SO HOT---FUCK ME WITH YOUR THOUGHTS.....*Wheezing and clattering can be heard* *Pressing her hand on her bedazzled cheek* _I DON’T WANNA LIVE...FOR—EVVER_...*Face is almost all stones* W _HOO- WHOO--_ Who do I look like? TRICK QUESTION—I’m the OWLS OF G’HOOLE---*Does a pose with her hand under her chin* I look like an AEON----creepy as shit----Just because I’m covered in rhinestones, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve love.”

“*Has stones on her eyelids* *Uncontrollable laughter* I CAN’T SEE _—I CAN’T FUCKING SEE...!_ WHAT IS SO FUNNY...?! *Lights are turned off and then on* _What the fuck...?_ I look like a TRICERITON!! I look like I’m gonna kill someone! *Presses her face* I think this is a real casual look—I mean, it didn’t take long— _well_ I mean, it _did_....it itches _so bad_ *Squishes her face comically* It’s all I can do to make it feel better. _I don’t know how to help me_ \---I’m gonna try to peel it off.”

“*Stones begin to fall off her face*...This isn’t peel porn _at all_ —this is peel _punishment_. This is the price you pay to be beautiful on the outside to match the inside---LIKE A BIRD THAT’S WILTING ITS FEATHERS---OW! _BE GENTLLLEEE_.. _.!_ ”

Beep. Video Ended.

#####################

That Night in the Lair......

Leonardo jumped rooftop after rooftop trying to evade his girlfriend. This was their thing, they loved to play cat and mouse---loved the thrill of the chase, thrived on the tease and flirting with danger.

As the sword wielder hid in the shadows waiting for the kunoichi, he smirked to himself---the adrenaline pumping through his veins, the heat of his cheeks that burned a supple pink.

Suddenly there was a swift landing, then the sheen of the female ninja’s tanto blade. “ _Come out, come out Leo_ \---wherever you are.” Karai’s subtle arousal tinting the usually even and deliberate tone of her voice.

“ _Oh_ , big words coming from the _big bad cat_ whose ventured into a trap...” The blue-banded turtle steps out of the shadows, blades at the ready, and his sapphire eyes glowing in the moonlight. “...I’m _so scared_.”

Karai grins mischievously and bolts towards the ninja, swipe her blade back and forth against the katanas, which block each retaliation with a resounding clang.

They fight and dodge until Karai gets the upper hand and disarms her boyfriend, making him back flip away from her but not before she rapidly morphs into a snake and wraps herself around the squirming turtle.

“Any lasssst wordssss?” she hisses out---her bright green reptilian eyes shining with victory.

Leonardo huffs, slows his struggling limbs and looks her square in the eyes, he grimaces----“Yeah...one thing...tell me--- _did it hurt?_ ”

Karai’s grip slightly faltered and she narrowed her eyes in confusion. “...Did _what_ hurt...?” she asked tentatively.

Leonardo smirked, “When you repeatedly _slapped yourself_ in the _face_.”

At the mention of such a ridiculous action, the sudden realization of what her boyfriend was referring to hit the snake ninja like a slab of bricks. Her attention thwarted and thus her coils loosened around the turtle. In a flash, she was immersed in a purple smoke bomb---dazed and coughing as she morphed back into her human form, her eyes watering.

The only sound to hit her ears was the fading laughter of her boyfriend.

########

Renet and Shinigami were taking turns kissing and fondling their boyfriend, Michelangelo when the orange-banded turtle erupted with pleasure.

Huffing out a few breaths the prankster stirred and pushed himself up, turning his head to look at his two girls.

He smiled devilishly, “Alright now it’s _my turn_....”

Shinigami and Renet practically purred with excitement, they settled themselves in position and as Mikey was caressing and touching them seductively, through their moans, Michelangelo spoke.

“Yeah...you girls _like_ that....” Mickey’s eyes gleaming with mirth.

“ _Oh God_ Mikey... _Mike_.....” Renet iterated breathlessly.

“ _Yeah_...gonna fill you up---part you both like the _RED SEA_ and magically put you together again like _DAVID FUCKING BLAINE.....!_ ”

“AHH— _Ah, YES_ — _YES_ —Y----“ A sudden sobering realization hit them instantly and the two girls bolted upright, redder then apples and just gawked at their smiling boyfriend in horror.

#########

April was straddling Donatello’s lap, rubbing gently against the growing bulge of his plastron as the genius churred and licked at his girlfriend’s neck.

“ _Oh Donnie_ \----so hot.....” April murmured into his ear-slit passionately. Donnie smiled dreamily and squeezed April’s waist a little tighter to his chest, kissing her breasts.

“What do you want naughty girl? Tell me....” The purple-banded turtle husked as he was unclipping her bra and lifting them both out of his computer chair and to the cot, he had in the lab. He settled the flushed redhead down and then straddled her hips.

April grinned and started to rub at his thighs.

“I-I want....”

“Yes...you want what _dirty girl_....?”

“I want your _dick_ \---inside me--- _filling me up_ \---”

Donatello’s rusty red eyes shinned.

“Wish granted.....” Suddenly, Donatello’s penis was out and exposed in all its glory, April’s blue eyes glimmered.

“Yes....”

“It’s _beautiful_ right...?”

April nodded eagerly. Grabbing the shaft.

“ _Yes_ \---gorgeous....”

“Like a _FLOWER_ \--- _kissable_ like a _big green EGGPLANT.....?_ ”

“Yes, like a---” Suddenly the fire in the redhead’s stomach was dowsed in a cold shower of realization. She shakily looked up at her boyfriend’s snickering face as she closed her eyes in utter embarrassment and groaned.

########

Raphael sat on his bed as he fed Chompy some leaves and pizza pieces. He glanced up at his shell cell when the all too familiar ringtone sounded---E.T. by Katy Perry-----the red-banded turtle smiled as he picked it up.

“Hey....what’s up?”

Instead of the confident and calm voice of his girlfriend, he heard a hesitant and rather timid one in its place.

“Raphael...h—how are you tonight?” The brawler frowned, _small talk_ \---Mona hated small talk.

“Eh...nothing much, just feeding Chompy, what about you?”

“Oh! Ah—I just-- well, I was thinking of you and I wanted to hear your voice....just---”

“ _OH_...you were _thinking_ of me--- _how_?” Raphael smirked as he got more comfortable.

Mona Lisa’s soft giggle floats over the phone speaker.

“Yes...I was thinking of _your body_ on _mine_ \----”

“ _Oh yeah_...what am I doin’ babe?--- _Tell me_....” The sai-wielder began to caress his thighs in slow motion.

Mona’s voice morphed into something sultry and smooth, “You’re _touching_ me--- _licking_ and _biting_ my neck _tenderly_....” The Salamandrian’s huffs of breath whisked through the phone.

Raphael is now rubbing his aroused penis, “Yeah--- you’re _so hot_ babe......”

“Yes... _yes_ , _so hot_ \----“

“SO HOT--- _FUCK ME WITH YOUR THOUGHTS_.....”

“YES FU-----“ the hushed and wispy breathing on the other line goes quiet and Raphael stops his action—pauses and then bursts into a deep laugh that echoes through the receiver of the phone and only serves to really take him over the edge when he hears the embarrassed ‘ _f’yashta_ ’ mixed in with his own voice.

 


End file.
